Long time no see

2 reason why I am starting to blog again. One I bought a new phone. I will be able to take decent pictures again but it will not be as good as the pictures from Ivan’s DSLR. Second I would like to write down my emotions or feelings. I have done this before prior to the huge amount of photos I uploaded here. Currently I am about to start a new yet similar experience I once knew about 10 years ago. Being able to express what I am going through on something will hopefully help me go by my day. We’ll see. I will include bits of history just so anyone who is reading this could understand the situation.

Today is the first day I am without her.  She is still on the plane back to the states as of the time of this writing. We texted to each other while we still can just before she left and I hope it was enough to keep her company during the transit.

Took me a couple of years to understand what my heart has been trying to tell me and finally accepting it to find the courage to tell her how I really feel about her all these time. Although I ask myself a question, am I too selfish? She is going to be there for another 1 and a half year at least before she comes back. She told me before she wants that someone to be there with her, physically, at the time she needs one. But the thought of seeing her leaving once again without telling her.. I could not bear it. I had to tell her, I had to let her know, these feelings, these emotions.

These past 2 weeks have amazing for me. We didn’t really spend much time alone together because she was busy with her other friends and she even got sick at one point. But for each moment we did, I cherish every seconds of it. I haven’t been this happy ever since.. yea. Lets not get to that for now. We had a moment for each other just before she left and it was something else. I wish I could just sit there, holding her hands and stare into her eyes but I think it would make her uncomfortable. I pretty much smiled and giggled the whole day and told her it was because of her friends. What she didn’t know was that I was so content just to be there with her on the last day before she flies back.

Now I have to accept the fact that I will not see her again anytime soon. The day before she left, and I still could not believe I actually did, my emotions got ahead of me. She was on my mind and I guess I could not hold it inside anymore.  I need to be strong, I have to, for both of us. I promise her I will do everything that I can to make this work. I will change how I have been living my life for the better. One of my dreams now is to save up some money and fly to the states to see her there and I know that is a bit far fetch but it’s a good dream to have.

I will end it here today. I hope I did express some of what I feel today. And yes, I know my English is still terrible.